


Ghost of Childhood Memories

by Tarlan



Category: Ice Men (2004)
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-05
Updated: 2009-05-05
Packaged: 2017-10-14 12:26:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/149224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vaughn returns to the cabin a week later for some solitude and discovers he has a guest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ghost of Childhood Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Written for LJ MMOM2009 Day 06

Vaughn stretched out his neck from side to side as the last few miles passed slowly. It had snowed heavily last night and though the plows had cleared the main routes, he could only hope the track up to the cabin would still be passable. The forecast was for more snow coming in later tonight so he'd taken the extra precaution of bringing far more food than he needed in case he got snowed in, and he was glad he hadn't skimped when he had ordered in that cord of wood before the last weekend. There was still more than enough left to see him through a couple of weeks if necessary.

He sighed. It had been a slow train-wreck of a weekend, where everything had seemed to fall apart around him; his marriage, his childhood friendships, and his relationship with his brother. It was as if all the petty grievances in his life, festering away beneath the surface, had conspired to erupt over this one weekend, spreading their poison through all of them. He'd watched his last hope of a reconciliation with Renee shrivel and die; had seen his best friend of twenty-three years betraying him, and had held his brother's cold and lifeless body in his arms.

Although he couldn't save his marriage, he had saved Trev. He'd dived into the hole in the ice without a second thought, dragging his brother's lifeless body back to the surface and refusing to give up until Trev was coughing up the cold water from his lungs. Steve and Jon had carried Trev to the hot tub, using the uniformed heat to warm Trev through as he hadn't been under the ice long enough for his core temperature to drop to critical levels.

Trev was out of the hospital now, kept in for observation for only a single night, and Vaughn had spent the entire time beside his bed. Perhaps Vaughn had needed the shock of losing Trev to waken him up to the truth, to the abuse that they had both suffered at their father's hand. It had been so easy to deny it all because Trev had taken the brunt of their father's dissatisfaction with his sons, and yet now he could see the cracks in his own life splintering out from that abusive relationship. Vaughn had spent the rest of the week getting Trev's gambling debts paid off and getting him into a residential program to help find a cure for both the gambling addiction and for the self-harming. He'd made Trev a promise too, that he'd be there for him this time.

He'd spent the rest of the week repairing the damage to his relationship with Jon, drawing up the contract for the photo calendar that would ensure Jon retained copyright of his photos and was paid more than enough to cover his expenses. He'd already seen how desperation could drive a man to suicide, almost losing his brother, and though Jon was stronger than that, Vaughn didn't want to risk losing anyone else he cared about.

Strangely, another dam had burst open once he finally acknowledged openly that Jon was gay. He realized that the thought of two men touching each other intimately had bothered him only because it had intrigued rather than disgusted him, and that brought back bad memories of his father. His father had made it crystal clear what he thought of gays, and Vaughn had always tried to please him. Vaughn couldn't see himself touching Jon, or Steve even, in such an intimate way but he could imagine Jon and Steve together, and discovered it didn't bother him in the slightest. The problem rose when he thought of Bryan in that way. The dull ache low in his belly, the goosebumps on his arms and the tightening in his chest were almost nothing compared to the way his cock twitched with eager interest.

Last night he'd tried an experiment and brought up that memory of catching Renee straddling Bryan, impaled on his cock. He figured it would be a turn off, if only for finding his best friend fucking his estranged wife but, instead, the memory of Bryan's pale skin and sparse chest hairs sent him soaring. He hadn't gone off so fast since he was a teenager masturbating in his childhood bedroom, working hard at his cock for fear of someone walking in on him if he took too long.

He brought his attention back to the present as he saw the turn off ahead, pulling onto the little used track that led towards Shadow Lake and the cabin. The snow was a lot deeper here and he wished he'd rented an SUV but he figured he could make it if he took it slow and careful. Of course, his thoughts turned instantly to the cabin. They had bundled Trev into Jon's SUV to get him to the nearest hospital, and Vaughn had climbed in the back seat with Trev, leaving Steve to drive his car back to the city. Vaughn hoped Bryan had locked the cabin up securely behind him when he left later; Bryan having agreed to stay behind and ensure it was all closed up tightly and the hot tub emptied.

Thinking of Bryan made him feel a little guilty because, with so much going on, he hadn't found time to sit down and talk to Bryan; to see if they could salvage their friendship despite his affair with Renee. Bryan's marriage to Heather had seemed so perfect but now he realized that it had been as brittle as his own to Renee, cracked beneath the surface.

The drive along the track took a lot longer than usual but Vaughn felt no need to rush. However, as he turned the final bend, coming out from between the trees into the clearing, he braked sharp, surprised to see a car still parked outside the cabin. Bryan's car. Vaughn stared hard at it for a few minutes and then put his car into gear and rolled forward to park alongside. He got out and closed the car door quietly before making his way through ankle deep snow to the porch. Music floated through the thick cabin walls, soft and a little sad. He pushed open the door and stepped in, finding the interior a lot cooler than he expected and noticed there was no fire burning but that it had been readied for use. The sound of muffled footsteps came from the room Bryan had used last weekend. Vaughn kicked off his shoes and moved further into the cabin; he was halfway towards the bedroom when the door opened and he came face-to-face with Bryan.

Blue eyes widened in shock and then dismay.

"What are you doing here, Bryan?"

Bryan seemed at a loss for words, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. "I told Heather."

Vaughn nodded even though it didn't quite answer his question of why Bryan was at the cabin. Even if Heather had kicked him out then there were far better places to go than driving all the way out to this remote cabin, warmer too.

"I told you that wasn't necessary."

"You also told me to strive to be a better person."

The downturn of his mouth brought back that overwhelming need to protect Bryan, bring back the childhood memories of three of them -- of him, Steve and Jon -- standing firm against a group of bullies attacking another kid in the class on that first day at school. Bryan had always been the weakest of them, smaller in size and wearing hand-me-down clothes that were several sizes too big for his skinny body. They'd taken him under their wing and he'd become Vaughn's best friend. Perhaps that was why Vaughn felt no animosity towards him over Renee, because he knew Bryan was so vulnerable, that his clowning around was a defense mechanism hiding a deeply insecure center. Perhaps that was why the four of them had fit together so well, with each of them shoring up the others and counterbalancing any weakness in one with the strength in another.

Trev was right when he mentioned that none of them had moved on and gained new close friends in twenty-three years but they hadn't needed to make other friends when they already had everything they wanted in each other. Although last weekend had opened up some of the cracks in that friendship, by the time they parted they had started to cement over those cracks, making their friendship stronger than ever. At least, Vaughn had with Jon and Steve over this past week.

"Should put the fire on. It's getting colder outside."

Bryan's eyes widened a fraction at Vaughn's words, reading between the lines that said it was okay, that he was welcome to stay. He gave a small, breathy huff and offered Vaughn a shy, grateful smile before stepping past him. Vaughn turned and watched as Bryan crouched down beside the unlit fire, that ache of want growing as he took in the lines and curves of Bryan's body. Flames licked at the wood almost immediately as smaller pieces ignited and burned.

"I've got stuff in the car to bring in," Vaughn stated softly and turned away.

"I can give you a hand."

Vaughn put his shoes back on and headed out, hyper-aware of Bryan only a few footsteps behind him. They emptied the car in silence and dropped all the bags of groceries onto the kitchen counter, kicking off their shoes and working silently side-by-side to put everything away. On his last trip to the refrigerator, Vaughn grabbed a couple of beers and handed one to Bryan before heading out into the main room and dropping down onto the couch. His eyes were drawn immediately to the empty space where his father's elk chair had sat like a throne; a symbol of all that he'd hated about his father. Burning it had been cathartic for both him and Trev, emotionally freeing them from a tyrannical reign that had marred their childhood.

Bryan looked at a loss for a moment and then settled on taking a seat at the other end of the couch. It took a moment to realize that the music was still playing in the background, and then he noticed the CD player that Bryan must have brought back with him after confessing his adultery to Heather. Vaughn wondered what other possessions Bryan had brought to the cabin and then decided it really didn't matter. They drank in silence, letting the sad music flow around them. Outside, the sun was setting and Vaughn reached over to switch on the table lamp.

"I'll head back tomorrow," Bryan murmured.

"You can stay."

"Really?"

Vaughn nodded.

They spent the rest of the evening slowly opening up to each other; Vaughn was amazed by how much he didn't know about Bryan, and especially about his sham of a marriage to Heather. He and Bryan had been drifting apart for years without Vaughn noticing, to the point where Bryan hadn't come to him for advice or support when his marriage had run into difficulties. He learned that Renee wasn't the only cheating wife, and that Renee had known about Heather and her casual affairs.

Had that made it easier for her to choose Bryan as her lover? Had she seen his anguish and fallen for his vulnerability, wanting to hold him, comfort him, and find comfort in return?

Vaughn had spent several nights this last week thinking about Bryan in more than just a lustful way. He thought about his callous words to Renee, describing Bryan in unflattering terms as a puppy-dog, pussy-whipped by Heather. Now he realized why, knowing his words had been his own defense mechanism kicking in when it seemed like he was losing Bryan piece by piece to a different life, to Heather. It had been his way of dealing with the growing chasm between them by convincing himself that he didn't care, that it was no great loss. Now he knew differently. Now he knew what he had almost lost and it made losing Renee seem almost unimportant by comparison. It made him understand why Renee wouldn't give their marriage, give *him*, a second chance and he felt a little ashamed for having made it harder on her to leave. She deserved better, though he was perversely glad that Bryan had stayed rather than go with her, all the more so now he knew the state of Bryan's marriage.

The conversation turned, inevitably, to other aspects of the weekend; to the revelation of Jon sleeping with Steve and the fallout that had seen Steve striking out at Jon in the aftermath.

"Is that why you wouldn't share with Jon? Were you worried he might hit on you in the night?" Vaughn held his breath because this was one subject that they had never broached in all their years of friendship. Having banished his father with the symbolic burning of the elk chair, that subject wasn't taboo anymore.

"He's not my type." Renee was a blond and Heather a red-head so Vaughn knew he wasn't talking about hair color. "I prefer someone... stronger."

He'd said *someone* and not *a woman*, and in the context of this conversation, Vaughn knew that was a pertinent detail. Years spent talking to clients, representing them in court, had taught him to read the subtext and he felt like hitting himself when he realized he'd avoided doing so with his friends. He'd taken everything at face value because he stupidly thought he knew them too well already.

Someone stronger. That fitted with Bryan's personality, needing someone to protect him and care for him; a role Vaughn had allowed to slip away with their childhoods.

"I'm stronger." Vaughn felt a moment of shock at his own words, having thought them but not intended to actually say them.

The silence stretched between them and Vaughn covered his trepidation by heading to the kitchen to grab yet another beer. He hadn't expected Bryan to follow and turned partway there almost into Bryan's arms, faces barely a foot apart as Bryan's hands rose to grab Vaughn's biceps, stopping them from crashing into each other. The touch was electric, and maybe he could blame it on beers later but suddenly he was kissing Bryan. More amazingly, after a moment's hesitation, Bryan started kissing him back.

Vaughn reached out and dragged Bryan closer, hands sliding across a back that had broadened from the skinny kid Bryan had been in his early twenties. He felt warm and solid, perfect, and Vaughn sank into the kiss as it deepened. He felt Bryan's hands release their grip on his biceps and wrap around him; felt one hand cup the back of his head, trying to hold him hostage to the kiss but eventually, they had to break for air. Pressed chest to chest, Vaughn could feel the rapid rise and fall as Bryan panted raggedly and he pulled back far enough to read his eyes, finding them wide and dark, filled with desire and fear.

Slowly, Vaughn leaned back in and kissed Bryan again, feeling Bryan's tense body relax. Bryan pulled back this time.

"What are we doing?"

"I don't know. Do you want to stop?"

Bryan stared at him for a moment and then shook his head. "No."

"Okay."

Somehow, they ended back in front of the fire; still entwined and still kissing until they were lying on the rug facing each other. In the flickering light from the fire, Bryan looked beautiful and so vulnerable that Vaughn felt his heart contract in a need to simply hold him and touch him. When Vaughn's hand brushed over the hardness at Bryan's groin, he felt Bryan shiver and tighten his hold; when his hand slipped beneath the loose sweatpants to wrap around Bryan's hard cock, he felt the warm gust of Bryan's breath against his cheek as Bryan surged forward. Always the decisive one, he tugged the sweatpants down and then reached for the fastenings of his own pants and boxers, pushing them down to mid-thigh while wishing he had changed into loose fitting clothing earlier. He reached for Bryan's empty hand and placed it on his own hard cock. The rush of sensation almost overwhelmed him as Bryan's fingers tightened around him.

Slowly, they thrust into each other's hand, exchanging small kisses and catching stutters of aborted moans and soft gasps as the pleasure spiraled upwards. Vaughn felt the sudden tensing of the hand around his cock, felt the momentary locking of thigh muscle as warm ejaculate coated his fingers. He wrapped his hand around Bryan's, guiding the final two strokes that brought him over the edge too.

Only the crackle of burning logs filled the silence as they flopped back onto the rug, bodies spent. Vaughn knew he ought to be freaking out but, instead, he trailed his fingers through the sticky mess on his belly and let the lassitude of good sex seep deeper into his bones.

The heat from the fire warmed him through and he stretched, chuckling when something struck him.

"What's so funny?"

Vaughn rolled onto his side and leaned up, looking down at his best friend, who was now his lover. "In all the times I've been here with Renee, we never once did it in front of the fire." Immediately, he felt like kicking himself for bringing up her name but Bryan merely grinned lopsidedly, and when Vaughn leaned over to kiss him, he met no resistance.

Outside the world had muffled with the snow that had been falling all evening, cutting them off from the rest of the world but here, lying in front of the log fire with Bryan in his arms, Vaughn felt warm and happy for the first time in years.

END


End file.
